Saying I Love You
by rosepose
Summary: POST MIDSEASON FINALE Emma is shook up after Killian almost dies. Killian makes a shocking revelation.
1. Chapter 1

"No!" Emma awoke suddenly, and tears began falling down her face. Killian. She had the worst dream. He died. She couldn't make it there in time. Belle never came. She had to watch Gold crush his heart, his heart that had endured so much, and grown so much with her love, into dust. She had to watch the light fade from those impossibly blue eyes. If Killian ever died, a piece of her would die with him.

Emma tried desperately to stop shaking, but it was to no avail. She reached over to her bedside table and picked up her phone. She dialed his number, but paused for a moment before calling. Her heart began to beat faster and faster with every dial tone. Finally, Killian answered. "Swan?" Emma began to cry again, hearing the sound of his voice.

"Killian…," Emma said, her voice breaking.

"Emma, what's wrong? Why'd you call?"

"I…I just needed to hear your voice."

"Something troubling you, love?"

Emma choked a sob. "Only the fact that you almost died," Emma said, trying, and failing miserably at being sarcastic.

"Emma…"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called." Emma's thumb hovered over the 'End Call' button.

"No, I'm glad that you did."

"Why?"

"I've missed you, Swan."

Emma smiled a bit. "I've missed you too."

So, Killian stayed on the line until he was sure she was fast asleep, and even then hesitating to hang up, wondering what it would be like to see her asleep.

Then, Killian, brought back to reality, stared out the window and up at the stars. He would often gaze at them when he was feeling confused, or scared, or unsure. The stars were his constant. No matter what happened or how much he changed, the stars would always be there. The stars were once his only solace. But that was before Emma.

Her beautiful green eyes, and golden locks, were entrancing. And he felt that way since the moment he first laid eyes on her. But, to him, her beauty was far more than her good looks. She understood him. She understood the things that he's done. She was strong, resilient, and he loved her. He has loved her for so long, but he can still remember, that day when something changed. When he started looking at her, not as an object of desire, but as something more, someone that he could love.

It was that day, in Neverland. She had pulled him aside while the others walked ahead. She asked him if he had really saved David. He did. And he did it, for her. And she kissed him. And it was the greatest kiss he had ever shared.

All Killian wanted, all he had ever wanted, was to tell her how much he really did love her. But, Emma, she wasn't ready to hear the 'L' word, and he wasn't sure if she ever would be. Be he still knew, and she knew, that he loved her, and he was sure that she did too, even if she couldn't admit it to herself.

Oh, what a complicated life he had. And now, as Henry told him under the curse, he did believe that he and Emma were 'together'. But, Killian wanted more than that. He wanted more than stolen kisses, and innocent cuddling and eye-gazing, as if they were mere adolescents. The entire town already knew about their relationship. Even her parents knew about it and accepted it for what it was. But what was it, exactly? He wanted, no, neededit to be more, more than a mere dalliance. He wanted to be with Emma, truly be with her, and for her to accept his love, and confess hers, because she made him a good man, and she was his purpose.

.

.

Killian hesitated before knocking on the door to the loft. It was David who answered the door. Killian tried to smile as her father eyed him suspiciously. She really does need to get her own place. David's 'Protective Dad' act was in full gear. "Is Emma home?"

"Yeah… what do you want?"

"To see her…"

"Emma," David called, his eyes still locked on Killian. "Killian's here!"

Emma came down the ladder and to the door. She gave David an expecting look. "Uh…Dad?" After a few seconds, David caught on and left, but not without glaring at Killian some more. "So…What's up?"

"I…uh, I wanted to see you."

"Well, here I am."

"I need to talk to you, Swan."

"Well, then come in."

"I'd…rather not have your parents as an audience."

"Why don't we talk out in the hall?"

"Okay."

Emma closed the door behind her and looked at him expectantly.

Killian quickly closed the distance between them and kissed her.

"What was that for?"

"I love you, Emma."

Emma froze, staring into his eyes blank-faced and pale.

"I don't expect you to say anything back. It's just, I almost died, and I would have died never having the chance to tell you. And one day, I hope that we'll say 'I love you' every time we meet."

With that, Killian turned and started down the stairs.

Emma couldn't move. She would have a lot to think about tonight.

PLEASE REVIEW THIS IS MY FIRST ONESHOT SO BE KIND :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay I think I either did really good or I made a really weird epic fail. I asked myself how Emma would react and this is what my weird brain came up with. Hope you like it.**

That night, Emma lay down in her bed, thinking, thinking about herself, about Killian, and about her life as a whole….but mostly about Killian. As she thought about him and his words she felt many different emotions.

The first was, well, I guess the closest thing would be….confusion?

Why? Why did he have to say that? Why now? Why couldn't he wait? What is he afraid he's gonna die again?

The second was logic, and understanding.

Well, you know, maybe he is a little afraid that he actually will die. Well, you know, you never know with everything going on. 'Cause I guess I am kinda giving him a hard time. And you know, I bet he thought he was, like doing some kind of bold romantic gesture or something like that.

And, unfortunately for Killian, her last, most profound, and lasting emotion was the complete and utter state of being pissed off.

"Bold Romantic Gesture" MY ASS! He knew exactly what he was doing! He knew that I couldn't say anything back, so now what? He's BETTER than me? So is it like "I know you'll never say it, but just in case I'll wait for like, ever."? NO! I see EXACTLY what that little pirate is doing! And believe me he's gonna pay for it!

.

.

After Emma had calmed down (at least a little bit, but still seething with anger) from her sudden internal outburst of pure rage, she started thinking about what to do about it.

I'm just gonna go over to his room and talk to him.

And by talk….she meant yell.

.

.

Emma rounded the corner and paused briefly before pounding her fist on his door. She heard a lock click, and the door opened.

Killian looked pleasantly surprised to see her. "Swan! To what do I owe the p—"

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Without warning, Emma pushed herself and Killian inside of the room and slammed the door behind her.

"Emma," Killian said cautiously. "What is this about?"

"You know exactly what this is about!"

Killian sighed. "Because I told you that—"

"Yes! You knew I wasn't ready to hear that and you said it anyway! And I know you'll never admit it, but from now on you're going to be waiting, waiting for me to say it back, and I don't know if I can! And how do you think it makes me feel, you telling me this when I almost lost you and the whole time I never even knew that you were in trouble?!"

Killian couldn't speak.

"You were trying to tell me, Killian. But I ignored the signs, because I wanted to pretend that everything was okay." Emma cursed inwardly as a tear rolled down her cheek. Killian reached out to her face and brushed it away with his thumb. Dammit, this wasn't the plan! She began to sob against her will. Killian brought her into his embrace and sat her down on the bed. "Why can't my life be simple Killian," Emma asked, her voice sounding almost childlike.

"If it was…you wouldn't be so magnificent."

Killian stroked her soft, golden hair, until both of the fell asleep in each other's embrace.

.

.

Killian awoke to streaks of light shining through the blinds of his window. A smile spread on his face as he realized the events of last night. He and Emma had spent the night together. He took in the sight of Emma next to him. She was so peaceful. When awake, she always found something to worry about. He decided to savor the moment, and not wake her, because he knew that when she awoke she would be embarrassed. Her plan was definitely not to start crying and spend the night with a pirate.

Slowly, Emma stirred. As she stretched out her arm she felt someone beside her. Killian was smirking at her, head propped up by his elbow. "Hello, love. Sleep well?"

Emma quickly jumped out of the bed. "I gotta go."

"Emma…"

"No, I can't do this Killian."

"You can't do what?"

"This! Us, Killian! It's too much!"

"Emma…..are you….breaking up with me?"

"No, Killian of course not! I just… need some time…."

"Emma, I gave you time! You still came here!"

"I-I'm sorry Killian…goodbye." With that, Emma left.

.

.

Emma ran to the top of the stairs, flung the door to the loft open, and slammed it behind her as hard as she could. This woke her brother, who immediately started to cry, and earned her worried looks from her parents as she climbed the ladder to her bed.

"I'll talk to her," Snow said, handing Neal to David. Snow ascended the ladder and sat down next her daughter. "Where were you last night, Emma?"

"With Hook."

Snow raised her eyebrows. "Oh."

"Not like that...should I start at the beginning?"

"I think that would be a good idea."

"Well, last night when Hook came to see me, he told me that he loves me. I didn't say anything back, but he left. And, so anyway, I thought all last night about what he said, so like, at about midnight, I went to see him. I was kinda pissed off, so Iyelled at him, and then I had to go and start crying. Then, I fell asleep, and I woke up this morning, and I was kinda shook up and I…said some things, then I came here and…I'm kinda upset."

"Emma…what are you afraid off?"

"What's there not to be afraid of?"

"Look, Emma, your walls may protect you from a lot, but they keep out love. So, why not, just this once, take them down and apologize."

"Why should I apologize?"

Snow raised her eyebrows and gave Emma a knowing look.

"Alright, I will apologize."

"And, Emma? How do you feel? About Hook, I mean."

"You mean, do I love him?"

Snow nodded.

"Uh, I'm…not sure yet."

Snow smiled. "When you are, let him know."

PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEEEE REVIEW! REVIEWS GIVE YOU QUICKER UPDATES AND THAT IS WHY I WAS ABLE TO POST THIS SO SOON.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma decided to stay in bed all day. She didn't know why. Maybe it was because she was upset. Maybe it was because she didn't want to face the world beyond her little nook. David wanted to check on her, but when he tried, Snow gave him a look and shook her head.

She knew that she should apologize, but she just couldn't, or at least, she didn't want to right now. But she knew that Killian was going to back off, and he wouldn't say anything to her, call her. She had to apologize, because he had nothing to apologize for.

_I'll do it later._

.

.

Killian sat on his bed, thinking about the events of the previous night and scolded himself mentally. _What the bloody hell was I thinking? How did I think she was going to react, with an 'I love you too' and a kiss? Idiot! All I've done is push her away. She probably doesn't even love me._

.

.

"Mom! I'm back!" Henry came through the door and threw his bag on the ground.

_Dammit,_ Emma cursed inwardly. _He's back from Regina's!_Henry raced up the ladder to see his mother.

"Hey, Mom!"

"Hey, Kid," Emma said with not enough enthusiasm.

Henry frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Is it Hook?"

"How did you- No! I-It's not Hook!"

"Mom, for a human lie detector, you're kinda bad at lying."

"Ok, fine it is Hook."

"What happened?"

"Not really in the mood to tell the story again, kid."

Henry smiled. "So, shorten it."

Emma sighed. "I started a fight and now we're not speaking."

Henry shrugged. "So, say you're sorry."

"It's not that simple."

"Why not?" To this, Emma didn't have an answer. Henry patted his mother on the shoulder. "Remember when you asked Hook out? You asked me if I was okay with it. I said I wanted you to be happy and still do. If a one-handed pirate makes you happy, then go apologize, to said pirate, and _be with him_."

Emma smiled. "You know, kid, if four years ago, someone told me I would be in a relationship with Captain Hook, from _Peter Pan, _I would've called them a lunatic."

"Does that mean you're gonna apologize?"

"Later."

"Now."

"Fine."

"Oh, and be home by dinner." Henry paused for a minute and raised his eyebrows. "Unless things go _really_well."

"Henry!"

.

.

Emma stood in front of Killian's door, too afraid to knock. But, then the door opened and Killian smirked at her and raised his eyebrows. "The lad was right."

"About what?"

"Oh, he just called to tell me that someone might be standing outside of my door."

"Dammit," She muttered.

"Well come on in." Emma walked inside and closed the door behind her.

"Killian, I'm sorry. I don't know why I got so upset, it's just, after a lifetime of disappointment, it can be kinda hard for me to let people in."

"It's alright, love."

"No, it's not and I can't…I know you want me to say it back, but I can't, Killian, not until I know and…" Emma trailed off and looked at him through misty eyes. He stared back intensely for a minute before leaning in and kissing her softly. His hand reached up to cup her cheek. They broke the kiss, foreheads and noses still together, smiling at one another like lovesick puppies. It was a kind of scene that would make you smile in spite of yourself.

"Wanna come over for dinner?"

"Of course, Swan."

HEY GUYS IM SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS SHORT BUT UT JUST FELT LIKE A GREAT PLACE TO END IT HOPE YOU ENJOYED PLEASE LEAVE REVIEWS!


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